i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
