this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
