Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
