Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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