I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
