I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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