She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
