My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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