see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
