I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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