He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
two words...techno handjob
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize