Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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