i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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