Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize