ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
