I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
