I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
