your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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