im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
