I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
