i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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