Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
