how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
