My first STD was from a foam party
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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