i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
