That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
