He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
