Ketchup is God's man juice
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
ttyl tear gas
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
