I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize