You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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