life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
