Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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