I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
