she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
