Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
