i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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