Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
