I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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