My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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