i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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