I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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