I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
