and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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