My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
