i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
