my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
