Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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