you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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