I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
