Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
