i love accidental penises.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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