I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
