...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
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