Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
