I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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