Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
