your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
