is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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