This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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