i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Please don't give away my fajitas
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