Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
