What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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