so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
