Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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