I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
