If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
worst night to have a conscience
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
