Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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