I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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