i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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