So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
