Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
