I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
