just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
