It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
