May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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