Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
