what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
