I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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