My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
