if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Acid is not a monday night drug
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
