dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
