Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
