u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think my fart just growled at me.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
