idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
