Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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