yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
