I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
