so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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