Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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