well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
