Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
