Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
