This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
