sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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