I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
